I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize