I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
