This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I look better un-naked...
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
