so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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