Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
