We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
