i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I can't put those talents on a resume
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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