dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
