You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
