her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
