nut hugger
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
