Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
