my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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