pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
