Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
