Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
