Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
