Porn is love you can see.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
