speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
