your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Holy sore nipples Batman
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
