those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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