FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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