So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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