how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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