2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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