you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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