I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The beers last night were like the tears from god
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
