Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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