It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
There's always time for handjobs
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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