I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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