Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
NoShamevember. You game?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
