you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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