I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
My ATM looks so different sober.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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