This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
