I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
