Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i just had sex bonerless
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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