We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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