He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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