not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
