Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
