he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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