WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
