I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
