Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I won't apologize to a one balled man
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize