listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
