He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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