Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
