he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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