just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
