I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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