The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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