eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
