I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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