if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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