I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
