You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Blood and glitter go together right?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
