At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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