He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
