cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
