Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Randomize
