Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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