while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
