Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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