if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
