I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
