I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
