come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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