he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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