Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
