just tell him i said nine months
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
