if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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