Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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