Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
