Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
