GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
