the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
