so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
