I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
