Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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