Whatcha textin bout Willis?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
