okay pat passed out under dana's car
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
