Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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