Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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