why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
