i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize