alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize