He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
