remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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