I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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