Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
