Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
