he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
