Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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