i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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