I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
