franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
