New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
