Don't make out with my wife yet
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize