Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
