I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize