Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Drunk is not a location!
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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