I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
