you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
