I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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