If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
