I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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